Cameron

"I'm telling you now, everyone has just been busy I guess...we were trying to take care of each other." I told him, feeling awkward "I would have came sooner but I wasn't sure if you'd want me to or not."

"Everyone's been busy huh? Too busy to tell me my pregnant sister in law is on her deathbed. No wonder I came out here," I said quietly and ran a hand through my hair. "Did... did you get sick?" I asked, looking at her again.

I shook my head "No. If I had I would have asked for you. I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner but things have just been really bad for all of us." I said "You shouldn't have even left in the the first place. Since when did you start running away from your problems?"

"Running away? I'm not running away from anything. I just got tired of fighting over every goddamned thing. I got tired of getting disgusting looks from the one family member I have left. I got tired of the bullshit from everyone that knows what happened back there. I got tired of that girl from six looking like she was gonna murder me in my sleep the few occasions I saw her. And you know, the whole you and Jaxon bullshit didn't help either. I want to live in peace. So I came out here. You chose to stay. So... that kind of spoke loud and clear."

"I got stuck with Jaxon in the snowstorm because I was fighting for you! I was off in the woods after I had just had two heated arguments with Carter and Caleb both! If it wasn't for him it could be Caleb standing here telling you that I was dead from pneumonia. I have fought for you since I found out about the drugs, have I not? Even when I was afraid of you after you almost raped me...I came back. Didn't I? And now I'm not worthy enough for you to be with because YOU misunderstood a situation? After all of that...all that I've done for you do you think I'd cheat on you? Do you really think that fucking low of me, Cameron?"

"In case you don't remember, that was the fucking drugs, that wasn't me. So you can stop blaming me like everyone else does." I shook my head. "I don't know what I think anymore. I know what I saw though. Doesn't matter anyway. And it has nothing to with whether or not you're worthy. If anything, I'm not good enough for you. Look I asked you to come out here with me and you said no. For whatever reason, I don't fucking know. Doesn't matter, I've had more peace and quiet since coming out here since I've had in... ever. You can go back to Jaxon since he obviously makes you happier than I ever did."

"You don't have to remind me, I'm perfectly aware it was the drugs. But I stuck by you then when no one else understood or wanted to. Are you going to deny that? And give me a reason I should have moved out here with a man who thinks I cheated on him and doesn't even respect me enough to believe me when I tell him the truth?" I asked, glaring at him "I'm sorry I even came out here, I'll leave you to your peace and quiet now." I started to move past him, doing my best not to break down and cry my eyes out right here.

"Yeah you chose to stay there with him. Which, if I didn't believe it before, it was hard not to after that. You could've come out here with me and we could've worked everything out, but you chose not to. What is that supposed to say to me? Go ahead and leave Abi, everyone else does. I knew it was only a matter of time before you did too."

I rolled my eyes and sighed "You just aren't listening, are you?" I couldn't help but chuckle sarcastically and shrugged "You're right, I've completely abandoned you. Now if you don't mind...which you don't. I'm blowing this pity party before I literally kick your ass."

"Catch you later. Or probably not," I said and went to my room, slamming the door behind me.

I went over to his bedroom door and kicked it as hard as I could "Maybe I should have died, you apparently wouldn't have fucking cared anyway!" I yelled and tears started coming down my face. I couldn't take anymore, things were supposed to be better here and instead they were worse. I kicked the door a second time and then stormed out of the cabin.

I stormed out and threw the front door open. "Yeah like I've EVER cared about ANYONE like I care about you! And you're JUST like them! I wish I would've died back there! I wish I never would've come here!" I yelled and slammed the door as I went back inside.

I stopped and stood there for a few minutes, I should have just went home but I couldn't bring myself to part with him on bad terms again. I turned around and went back to his cabin and opened the door and shut it gently behind me. He was in his room again and the door was closed "Do you really feel that way?" I asked, against the door.

"Feel like what? Feel like everyone would be better off if I was dead?" I mumbled. "Hell yeah I do. I've lost everything. I've lost my friends. I've lost my family. I've... I've lost you. I've even lost myself. I wish I would've been killed before I ever made it over the fence. I never should've come here," I said, wiping tears away, hating how weak I was.

"Cameron...please don't say those things. I love you...I really do. I know you probably don't believe it but it's true. I'm sorry I asked you to come out here with me...it was selfish. I should have known you wouldn't be happy. It's my fault."

"No it's not. None of this was your fault. It's all my fault... all of it... it's all my fault..."

I slid down against the door "No it isn't. It was Jasper and Cade's fault, they started this mess to begin with. I've tried to be there for you Cameron, I'm sorry you feel as if I'm like the rest. What can I do to change that?"

"Nothing. I'm alone. It's better that way. I can't take care of you... the way you deserve. It's pretty obvious I don't treat you the way you should be treated. You deserve someone better... better than me. Just go, please."

"You aren't alone, I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not good enough for you. I'm not good enough for anyone. That's why I really came out here in the first place, away from everyone... where I can't hurt anyone anymore."

"Cameron, you were always the best of the best. It seems like forever ago now that we were in the training center and I had to watch the other girls swoon over you. I never thought I had a chance." I said "You have to stop beating yourself up over things you can't change. You can't change being addicted to drugs you weren't even aware that you were taking. Other people need to understand that too and start leaving the past where it belongs, in the past."

"That's what you should do too. Leave me in the past. Go... and find someone that'll take care of you... treat you the way you should be treated. That... that person's not me. I can't be what you need. I can never take back what I did... I can never take back any of it. I remember everything I did to you... and I'll never forgive myself." I wiped the rest of my tears and slowly stood up. "Goodbye Abi," I whispered and pushed open the window, climbing quietly out and heading off into the woods. 

I was about to reply to him when I heard a noise and stood up "Cameron?" He didn't anwser and I went to open the door but he'd locked it. I ran outside and seen the open window, he was gone. I looked around and I didn't see him, I took off running back home.

I walked for awhile until I came to a stream running through the trees. The sun was shining through the leaves, making the place seem really peaceful. I sat down and leaned back against a tree, finally letting my tears go, not having to worry about anyone seeing, thinking I was weaker than I already knew I was. I thought back on everything I'd done, everyone I'd hurt. Abi deserved better... so much better than me. She didn't need to be with a guy who'd called her names, hit her, tried to rape her.... And Ryan and Izzy would feel better when I was gone. Carter would too, I wouldn't be a burden to him anymore.... I'd never been anything but a burden on anyone. I took the knife out of my pocket, my hands shaking. I'd just have to do this quickly, before I lost my nerve. I couldn't deal with the constant pain anymore, and I knew this would be better for everyone... Everyone would be better off when I was out of the picture. I put the blade to my arm and sliced quickly up the inside of it, from my wrist to my elbow, making sure it was deep enough, then switched and did the same to my other arm. My hands were shaking so bad and slippery with my blood, I dropped the knife and just watched the blood run out of me as I started to get lightheaded... I laid back on the ground, feeling it pool around my arms, and closed my eyes....

I went through the trees and froze, my heart stopping. He was laying there, white as a sheet, surrounded by blood that was still coming out of the cuts up his arms. "Oh no oh no, Cameron no," I cried, running to him and kneeling down beside him. He was unconscious and I pulled my shirt off, wrapping it around his arm, then took off my belt, using it as a tourniquet on his upper arm. "Someone give me their shirt and belt! Now damnit!" I yelled, trying to blink my tears away.