Cameron

I shook my head. "I don't know. When he's ready to I guess."

I nodded "Then we'll stay right here."

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm not going anywhere. Faye is with Ronna, so I know she's taken care of."
 


I stirred and opened my eyes just a little. My arms were searing and throbbing with pain and I was weak... really weak. I could see them sitting around me, worry and fear on their faces, and I couldn't stop the tears that stung my eyes. "Why didn't you let me die?" I whispered.



I jerked my head around when he spoke. "Cameron... Oh thank God. What are you talking about? Don't talk like that..."

"Why would we do something like that? You're our friend, I know we haven't been great ones lately but we love you. No way we would let you die."

"Should've... should've just let me... Would've been better for everyone," I whispered.

"No, Cameron. It would have crushed us. Look around and tell me that you really believe it would have been better for us. We grew up together, we're a family."

I shook my head but stopped when it made my head spin. "No... you're only here cause... cause I'm hurt... You don't wanna be here... you should just go..."



"No, we're not going anywhere Cameron. We're staying right here."

I couldn't stand to hear him talk like that, I couldn't even say anything so I just remained quiet. It hurt too much.


"No, Cameron. We do want to be here and we aren't going anywhere."

"We love you Cameron. You're my brother, I love you very much. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you. I was going to, then Ronna got sick and I had to take care of her. I've been so... consumed with that... I didn't even know you and Abi broke up. I'm... I'm so sorry." He didn't say anything and I sighed a little. "Talk to me man. Why did you do this?" I asked quietly.



I opened my mouth then closed it again as more tears came to my eyes. I turned my head away and let them run down my face, not even caring how pathetic I looked right now. "I'm... I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I whispered, crying harder.

I stood up and patted him on the shoulder "It's alright, man. It's over now, we just want to help you get better."


I stood up too and went to the other side of the bed and took his hand. I was still a little shaky but it wasn't from the blood I'd given. "I love you, I don't want to fight anymore."

I reached out and touched her cheek. "I love you too. I'm... I'm sorry Abi... I'm really sorry," I whispered.

"I forgive you, we just have to make sure you get better now."

She took my hand and I tried to squeeze it but couldn't. "I... I don't want to get better," I whispered.

"You don't have a choice, I'm going to help you and do whatever it takes. But, you will get better."

"Why do you want me to? I'm... not worth it... You deserve... someone better..."



"Don't talk like that Cameron. We're gonna get you better. We're here for you okay? I'm sorry we... weren't before. But we are now."

"To me...no one is better than you. Now hush talking like that."

"How can you think that...? After... after everything? How can you think that?" I whispered.

"Because I could never forget who you really are."

"And who's that? I'm... I'm a screwup... That's all I am and... that's all I'm ever gonna be."

"That's not who you are, Cameron."


My heart was breaking for him, I hated seeing my friend this way. All of us...we'd changed in so many ways now.

"Yes it is... yes it is..." I whispered and closed my eyes when I started to cry harder.
 

 
 "That's not true Cameron. Don't say that. You are not a screw up. Far from it. You've had a lot of bad shit happen to you, but you are not a screw up."

"Man you can't keep blaming yourself for shit Jasper and Cade did. You have to let go and move on from that. We're here for you in any way you need us."

He just nodded without saying anything and I squeezed his hand again. "We'll get you through this Cameron. You're not alone."

"You'll always have someone here with you now, no matter what."

I didn't say anything, just nodded again. They were only staying because they didn't want me to try to off myself again. Just a few minutes more and I would've been gone. I wasn't going to say it out loud again, but I wished they hadn't found me in time.