Abigail Jaxon

"Me either, he refuses to see anyone. I wonder if Caleb could talk to him?"

"It's worth a shot. You want me to go get him?"

I nodded "Yeah, it couldn't hurt."

"I'll be back soon then," I said and got up, carefully handing Daphne to her, then left.

We got halfway to Carter's when I overheard what was going on. "I'm going with them. You two stay here with Carter." He started to protest but I talked over him. "No. Carter needs you. I'll stay with Asher, I'll be fine. I've gotta see if I can help find Quin. I love you, I'll see you later," I said and took off back home to get my bow and arrow and my knife, then headed out.

My sister pointed to the door that lead into Carter's room and I knocked gently "It's Caleb."

I sighed. "It's open."

I went inside and shut the door, walking over to his bed I sat down beside of him. "Look. I can't imagine how hard this is for you...but you can't just stay in this room all day...everyday. You have an amazing little girl out there who needs to know her father. she can't do that if you keep locking yourself away."

I didn't say anything for a minute then looked away from him, staring at the wall. "You don't know what you're talking about okay. If... if you lost Ezra... would you be able to function?" He didn't say anything and I shook my head. "She looks... just like her and..." I sighed. "Who am I kidding anyway. I don't know how to be a dad. I'm a fucking screw up as a person, I don't know what makes anyone think I can take care of a baby. I can... shit I can barely get out of bed."

"You'll never know how to be a Dad unless you try. You can't orphan her, Carter. She can't lose you both just because she looks like Ronna. You know we'll all help you as much as we possibly can but it's your responsibility to raise her. Come, on. Let's walk out of here together."

I knew he was right but I didn't want to admit that I was scared, about a lot of things. "I don't know if I can. What if I screw this up too?"

"What did you ever screw up to begin with? What happened to Ronna wasn't your fault, it had nothing to do with you."

"Oh come on Caleb. You and I both know I was never good enough for my dad. Then there's Cameron. And... hell I don't know. I am a screw up though. I can at least admit that to myself, even if no one else will admit it to me."

"I was never good enough for mine either...mine watched and let me get beaten in front of the whole district and let...let them hurt Ezra. But we can't blame ourselves for that. I understand about Cameron but he loves you...look what he's here doing for you. That little girl was the best thing to ever happen to him...she will be you too."

"I never thought... I'd be doing this alone. I never thought I would lose her," I whispered, wiping away tears, not even caring if I looked like a wuss or not.

I put my arms around him and brought him closer to me. Fuck it, we were like brothers and he needed this "Just let it out Carter, I'll set right here until you're ready." I told him "You aren't doing anything alone. Have I ever let that happen?"

I shook my head and wiped more tears. "No. No, you've always been a good friend."

"And I always will be because I love you. We aren't our father, Carter. We're away from all of that shot now, they can't hurt us anymore."

"You say that but... sometimes I wonder if it's true. Sometimes I wonder if they're not still looking for us. What would happen if they found us."

"I think about that sometimes too...and I guess we'd really have no other choice but to fight them. So...that's what we would do."

"And probably lose. And then what."

"I don't know. Keep on trucking like we always have."

"We can't keep trucking on forever."

"Maybe you should worry more about the now, Carter. I know our futures are unknown but...dwelling doesn't change anything."

"It's hard not to. I just... keep thinking about everything I wanted to say to her and... and I never did. Now I'll never get the chance."