Lydia Lannister

I got back to my room and pulled the door closed behind me, locking the deadbolt. Colton was the only other person with a key, anyway. I marched over to the table beside of my bed and picked up my lamp and threw it across the room, shattering it everywhere. I hadn't even realized it but I was crying and screaming. It was supposed to be better here...not like this. Joy Anna was gone. Because of him. Everyday I had to be perfect. I had to do everything perfect. And for what? A fucking nation that would rise to hate me anyway because of my dictator Father. He claimed differently but he was...oh he was. If he didn't have control of something he was always losing his shit about it. Which explains the huge temper tantrum over Joy Anna. And Ian? What in hell? Why hadn't she ever said anything? I pulled my braid out and ran my fingers through my hair and undressed myself down to my underwear. I crawled into bed and just sat there. It was the only thing I knew to do at this very moment.

I spent some time with Clarissa and the baby, but she was obviously tired so I called for one of the servants to put the baby down and made sure Clarissa had everything she needed before leaving to let her sleep. I decided to go check on Lydia since it has been awhile, and went to her room, knocking on the door.

I heard the knock but I couldn't bring myself to answer it or to even call out. I knew it was probably Colton because he knocked gently again. Wiping my eyes and face I finally got off of my bed and walked over, opening it up a little. "Yes?"

I frowned. I could tell she'd been crying. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing...I'm fine." I said but obviously not. He was far from being an idiot. "I guess I'm just tired."

"Uh huh. Whatever. Cut the bull shit. What's wrong?"

I wasn't going to discuss anything with him standing in the hall "Come in." I told him and opened the door more.

I froze for a minute, trying not to look her up and down, and slowly came in. She shut the door behind me and I sat in a chair, crossing my arms over my chest. "Alright. Spill," I said, trying to keep my eyes on her face.

I went back over to my bed and crawled on top of it and then turned to face him. I shrugged my shoulders slightly "Where do I start? I'm worried about Joy Anna or I don't want to be my father's Successor? I just...I'm over all of this. He claimed he would do good things here and so far he's made it worse in a lot of ways. He's constantly pressuring me about being perfect. I can't stand it anymore." I sighed "I just can't believe Joy didn't tell me. We were close once but that was before my Dad took her as a Mistress and everything changed. Now he's going to ruin her life too."

"Can you really blame her for not saying anything? That's a secret that would've lost Ian his life. Still will, if your dad ever catches him. I hope they made it far away from here and they're never caught. They had to love each other a lot to take off like they did. As for being your dad's successor... maybe you should start thinking of it as... an opportunity. You don't like the way he does things, so when it's your turn to take over, you can change things for the better. I don't agree with some of the things he's done, but he has started to change things in the districts. With the medical facilities at the very least. Micah's talked to me a little, and they seem to have some really good ideas planned. Excuse me for saying so, but if your dad could get his head out of his ass about a mistress that - in my opinion - he never should have taken to begin with, and actually dealt with the important shit, he could make this place great."

"She knows I would have never of said anything to jeopardize them. Did we argue, sometimes? Yes, but I wouldn't have hurt her like that. I'm sure Micah tried to talk him out of it but knowing my Dad it was a no go. He's going after the runaways too which I think is ridiculous. Let them be if they aren't hurting anyone..." I rubbed my face "I'm done thinking about all of this. It's all I ever get to think about and I'm so tired."

"Oh shit, are you serious?" I said, thinking about Zach and Tristian, and all the others that had left. God please let them not be found. "Don't think about it then. Think about something else. Anything else to get your mind off it."

"Sometimes when I want to get my mind off of those things...I think about you." I said before a could hold it back. "It's just that you're a good person. I like it."

"Think about me how? I mean why?" I asked, confused. Though if I was honest with myself, I thought about her too sometimes.

"Because you're different than most people here. When think about you, you're never associated with the bad stuff."

"I just... try to do the right thing that's all. No matter what I'm doing. I don't want to make a decision I'll regret someday."

"I know you do. Those are really good traits to have." God, could I sound anymore dumb? "How is Clarrissa?"

"She's good. She was tired so one of the servant's laid the baby down so she could sleep."

"That's good. I'm glad she's doing okay."

"Me too. I've been worried about her."

"I know you have...look you can go to bed if you want. I really am okay. If I need anything you're just a knock away."

"I'm not tired. If you want to go, I'll go though."

I sighed a little and shook my head "No point in trying, I know I won't be able to." I said and got off of my bed stepping around the glass "I'm going to clean this up. The maids shouldn't have to."

My eyes lingered on her ass for a minute before I forced them back up to her face. Damn it, why did she just have to be in her underwear and bra? And black ones at that? "Do you... want help cleaning it up?"