Raine

"If you guys want, you can go check it out and I'll run and find Jack." I said, looking towards Cameron. It was probably the first time I'd really looked him in the eye since everything had happened but I'd heard he'd been going through his own problems too.


"I know you, wouldn't. I really do." I finally closed the distance between us and wiped the tears from her face. "Just try to calm down, okay?"

I looked at him for a minute, then lowered my gaze, unable to meet his eyes. I'd done what I could to move past everything, but that lingering guilt would always remain.



"Be careful baby," I said and turned for a moment to kiss him, then turned back to Raine. "I'm gonna go make you some tea okay? I'll be right back," I said and went into the kitchen.



I nodded a little and crossed my arms over my chest. Please god don't let him see.....

Cameron and I left behind Ryan.


"Can I sit down?" I asked.

I nodded and moved over on the bed a little.

I sat down beside of her "Please talk to me, Raine. We've been apart all winter...I want to know what's going on."

"Nothing," I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself again. "Nothing's going on. I just..." The words came out before I could stop them. "I don't want to do this... anymore. I can't... live like this," I whispered.

"No. You can't think like that. I won't stand for it, I can't."

"I can't help it... Nothing's changed... I still feel the same... as I did right after..." I laid my arms on my knees, face up, and watched my tears drip onto my scars. "I wouldn't be here right now... if I wasn't too much of a coward to... to actually go through with it," I whispered.

I looked down and seen the scars going up her arms. "Raine...does anyone else know about this? Quin? Selma?" I stood up and went to the door "Izzy, would you please fix her something to eat too?" 

"Yeah, of course," I called back and started pulling some things out.



I shook my head. "No... no one... no one else knows. And I al... I already ate... at the wedding," I whispered. Barely, but I wasn't going to say that.

"Thank you." I called back to Izzy. "You're going to eat again and I'm going to watch you with my own two eyes." I said gently and sat back down beside of her. "I let you push me away once. I let you be stubborn and I gave you your way because I didn't want to upset you more than what you already were. But this..this is life or death now and by god you will eat and you'll start taking care of yourself again. If you can't do that on your own right now then I'll do it for you. I will not set by and watch you kill yourself."

"You can't make me... want to live Gabe," I whispered. "Not even you can do that... no one can..."

"Don't start telling me what I can and can't do Raine. I'll force feed you myself this time around if that's what it takes. And I'm not leaving your side...not even for a moment."

"What is the point Gabe? You think you can save me? I'm already gone."

"I know I can and that's what I plan on doing. I'll never give up on you, even after you've given up on yourself. That's what you do when you love someone."

More tears dripped down onto my arms but I didn't make a move to stop them. "I'm a lost cause Gabe. Go find someone that's worth your time. Trust me, I wouldn't blame you one bit," I whispered. 

"If I wanted to move on, I could have already done that. I wanted to give you your space but that was the wrong thing to do." I slowly put my arm around her, I didn't want to crowd her too much or anything. "If crying helps...then cry."

"Crying doesn't help anything. The only thing that helps... is something that you're not gonna let me do."

"You're right. I'm not going to let you do that anymore."

I didn't say anything as more tears spilled down my cheeks. "I'm dead inside Gabe. I can't... live like this anymore. I don't want to. Just... just let me go... Please," I whispered.

"No."

I started to cry harder, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. I turned away from him and laid down on the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest.

I reached over and ran my fingers through her hair until Izzy came back in.

I came back in with some soup and a sandwich, and some tea for her. "Sit up Raine. You're going to eat and drink this tea, then we're going to get you a shower, okay?"



"I'm not hungry," I whispered.



"I don't care. You're going to anyway, or we're going to force you. Now come on, sit up."

She still just laid there so I put my hands around her arms and set her up myself ""Don't make us force you. I'll feel like a real asshole but I'll do it if I have to."